


Diary of a dementor

by Momiji_Dysprosium



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Azkaban, Canon Compliant, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Dementors, Dementors have history, Diary/Journal, Gen, Not Beta Read, Self-Insert, they also have feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-17 21:34:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29107152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Momiji_Dysprosium/pseuds/Momiji_Dysprosium
Summary: SI/OC born as a dementor, do I need to say more? *Look at the title* Well, it/she? found a diary. That's it. Unbetead crack!fic, contains swear words.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 47





	Diary of a dementor

**Author's Note:**

> This started as a crack, then I got serious- and here we are.

**Entry Day - 1**

Today I have stolen a diary from a kind officer guarding Azkaban. I have decided to write here the most outrageous story of my life.

It all started - more like ended - with a car crash, I've forgotten many details but from what I remember, I had a nice life, nice friends, a nice family, I had everything.

And then BAM!

Death.

A tiny, really tiny bit of hope inside of me had dreamed of being reincarnated as a self-insert. Of course, the idea of being a self-insert had many disadvantages, you remember your nice life and you will never see the people you love, etc.

Still, being a SI was awesome. Aren't those Si-fanfictions the best? I quite liked the idea of being reborn as a badass. Though, I knew that being reborn in the Naruto world or in the Harry Potter world could be dangerous. One - you could be constantly in danger, and nobody spoke about the stress, no way would I want to get white hair stressing over saving the Boy-Who-Lived or surviving in the fourth great war with bijuus, edo-tensai, etc.

Whatever.

This entry is getting too long and I've got work. I'll write later, dear Diary.

* * *

**Entry - 2 (I don't think it's day two, honestly dear diary, let's not even start daily entries, with my job it means nothing)**

So… I was reading what I wrote, and I saw that I haven't said my… secret? Well. It's not exactly a secret.

Whatever.

Self-Insert.

Yeah.

So, I died and I was not exactly reborn but reincarnated in the Harry Potter world. Ain't it cool?

Not exactly, it seems like life decided to smoke weed and torment me by rejecting the normal SI-experience.

I'm a dementor.

I kid you not, dear diary.

I'm a fucking dementor, I will never go to Hogwarts, Ilvermony etc. Heck, even getting killed by death eaters would have been a better experience as a self - insert! But nooo! I had to be reincarnated as a dementor!

Woe is me, dear diary! If I could cry, I would! My life is a joke, heck, is a dementor even alive? I swear to you I don't even understand my body right now!

Oops. My shift is starting, gotta go dear diary.

* * *

**Entry - 3**

The first time I opened my 'eyes' I thought that the grim reaper a.k.a Death was coming to collect my soul. I did the smart thing, I closed my eyes, because, eep! I didn't want to be up during the process of collecting ones' soul.

It's like awakening during your own operation and watching doctors pulling open your belly and awkwardly meeting their eyes - you wish that the medication had been stronger, for the sight of your opened belly could be quite daunting, I kid you not!

So yeah, I closed my eyes. Then, I heard it.

A sound similar to that of Darth Vader, and I thought, that maybe death had asthma.

It could have been possible, right? Death breathing? But breathing badly because breathing was something for living beings…

I'm writing useless things, right?

Well, the guttural sound got me curious and I opened my eyes again. I saw a horde of dementors, if I could I'd have soiled my panties.

Strangely enough, the dementors seemed happy? To see me. How I knew that I don't know, but they were full of 'joy' to see me, that I swear.

* * *

**Entry - 4**

Being a dementor gets boring.

Al'khaz, one of the elder dementors, always loved to complain about our life. If the last king hadn't been a dunderhead and decided to sign a treaty with wizards, we'd be living the best life in the Wizarding world.

Heck, who cares about magic? At this point, the muggle life would be as interesting! I'd give my soul (insert giggles, I don't have one) to watch a damn movie!

You know… I just realized I don't know what's the date. Wait. Do dementors even have a calendar? Do I even get holidays? Dear diary, I have to leave you now, it seems that I haven't done enough research about my situation.

* * *

**Entry 5**

Hello Diary,

So how you doing?

Right. Well, let's talk about me. So I learned that we do have a calendar, but Al'khaz said that there was no point in knowing the date when one could only roam this Island.

That dude always kills my mood, but old Al' is at least truthful, unlike Freya, that bitch is one of a kind. She's a damn tattle tale and a strict abider of rules.

I really dislike her, a lot. Every time I've got a question, she takes a holier-than-thou attitude and… She doesn't even answer my question! She's getting on my nerves, urgh!

* * *

**Entry 6**

OMG OMG OMG OMG!

Dear diary, I have a crush! And I know what's the date!

So let me tell you about my day. I was roaming through the cells, frightening inmates left and right - don't judge me! It's not like I've got Netflix or even monopoly! I do need to do something. - So, I was roaming around the corridors, when the Aurors put a new inmate in the cells.

He had luscious dark wavy hair, a sexy body, and starlight for eyes. And you know what? It's Sirius Black! A.k.a Harry Potter's godfather! Holy heck, maybe life actually likes me! Maybe my time has finally come!

Sirius Black your heart will be mine! Kyaaaa! Stay in tune dear diary, I'm finally getting lucky!

* * *

**Entry 7**

Life sucks.

After fangirling behind a corridor. I finally decided to approach my one and only love. Don't judge me dear diary, it is love, the man may be handsome but from what I remember from the books, the movies… okay, and the fanfictions, Sirius Black is one of a kind.

But, alas, my rotten luck had to play again, I hate my life.

So I tried to suavely approach _The Man_ , and I thought I'd succeed you know, what with dementors gliding across the air and all that jazz. But no! Instead of gliding like Angelina Jolie in Maleficent, I floated like a flying umbrella and harshly met the prison bars.

I heard Freya laughing at the end of the corridors, and even my beau raised a handsome eyebrow at me, questioning my competencies as a dementor.

It was so embarrassing!

Thank god, we, dementors, look like each other, at least Sirius won't remember my blunder next time.

Wait.

Does it mean that he will confuse me with Al'khaz if I confess?

I need to leave you dear diary, I need to cry a river.

* * *

**Entry 8**

So, we've got fresh blood in our cells. Death eaters left and right. I'm starting to understand why Al'khaz is always so… depressed.

Okay, let me explain this to you dear diary. Two words.

Bellatrix Lestrange.

She's Fucking insane, that's what she is!

I always thought Azkaban damaged her more than the others, but nope, I was fucking wrong, she was unstable from the start.

She's always grinning madly, shouting out her love for the dark lord and screaming when we suck all her happiness. I think Freya met her match, she's been getting giddier and giddier since Bellabitch lives here.

I don't know who is more depressed, old Al'khaz or Rodolphus Lestrange. One thing I know is that I have to work harder to get Sirius to notice me.

I think he's got me confused with Freya (I'm crying diary, I am), oh why don't you notice me senpai?

* * *

**Entry 200 - (how many years it's been since we met dear diary? At least two right?)**

Okay, so last week was entry 199, and you remember diary? I promised that I'd get somewhere with Sirius. I managed to overcome my shyness and decided that the best approach was the Gryffindor approach.

I have to be bolder.

So after pushing some lunch toward my Beau, I waited behind the corridor, to calm my nerves. After he finished his meal I approached his cell calmly, my non-existent heart would have been beating hard if it could. I glided (successfully) toward him.

And smooched him!

My first kiss! I was so happy, I felt joy rushing inside of me, I could hear fireworks, and Sirius's eyes were alight! I could feel his soul!

Then a brilliant light rushed toward me and pushed me away from my Beau.

So.

Al'khaz grounded me and explained that maybe - maybe diary, it's a hypothesis - my perception of the incident was different in the eyes of the others.

Well, I forgot that I was actually a dementor (that's the power of love), and when I kissed Sirius - as in snogging - I was actually _kissing_ him - as in devouring his soul. Oops. So the rush of joy entering me was quite literal, the fireworks were actually spells, and Sirius was actually frozen in shock.

This is so embarrassing, dear diary! And the council has punished me, they pushed me in the cells below, I won't see Sirius again! My life went from bad to worse.

I'd give anything for comfort food right now.

* * *

**Entry 458**

Life as a dementor is not life, dear diary.

I'm tired, tired of living inside this Island, inside this prison. It's like reliving the lockdown during 2020… But for life.

The only thing cute here is Sirius Black, I swear he's so good-looking, even in his depression!

…

Don't judge me, dear diary! I have got nothing else to do. You know what's the worst? Seeing Padfoot's fluffy fur receding, and seeing cute dangerous Padfoot and being unable to touch him. Remember The Incident? Yeah, since then, Sirius's quite traumatized.

The only silver lining is that he doesn't know it was me. For him, it was only an attack by a dementor.

My life sucks, and it's sucking more happiness than me.

Al'khaz was right, the old king was stupid to agree with the treaty. The worst thing is that I feel the others are getting as impatient as me.

This week one interesting thing happened. I saw Crouch Senior with his wife come here. At least this gave me some kind of timeline. Oh, who am I kidding? Dear diary, I was always bad with dates, as in remembering dates, not dating dates.

…

See ya later dear diary.

* * *

**Entry 461**

She finally died.

Nope, it's not Bella, dear diary, can't get that lucky… I'm speaking about Crouch the mother. You know the worst thing was watching Freya happily munching on her soul. Though I don't know how she managed to look like her son even in her death. I don't remember if it was the polyjuice or something else, doesn't the polyjuice potion have a time-limit? Whatever.

I'm moody dear diary.

One- Freya is climbing the dementors ranks quickly.

Two- The council is forcing me to study more and more.

Three-

Oh, wait!

Dear diary, don't you know that I study?

I, so, have to tell you about it. Maybe next time, Al'khaz's calling for me now.

See ya!

* * *

**Entry 462**

Oh my! Dear diary, you've been getting some bad vibes from me! I'm soooo sorry. I like you, dear diary, you're the only one who will understand me.

So Dementors… we're not born, like ew. I don't even want to imagine that.

Dementors just come into being- wait I just realized I have no idea, how we are created!

The thing is that the last dementor created was me. I remember opening my eyes to my new fam, and that's it.

Of course, I realized that something was wrong with me. My skin was in the worst shape ever, I do have skin, I think it's pale blue or something. What? It's not like the sun shines through Azkaban! Maybe I have a pink tint to my pale skin, how could I know! We don't own mirrors, here.

I'm basing my appearance on Freya (the biatch) and my best pal/mentor Al'khaz, and of course mom and dad.

Let me describe Freya. She's got pale white rotting skin clinging tightly to her bones. She has pale wispy hair on some parts of her crane, pulled back by a black bandana. She proudly wears her black uniform, and inside she's wearing undies.

Al'khaz also has pale hair, but I think it's because of his old age. He wears a dark red bandana, which must smell as bad as him, but how would I know? Dementors don't have a nose. - Also, he's starker under his robes, now let's forget that alright?

Mom and Dad aren't my parents, but my caretakers.

When I opened- wait we don't have eyes- when I saw the horde of dementors, the king assigned Mom and Dad to me. They were the ones who took care of me when I was an ickle-dementor. They taught me how to glide (I finally mastered gliding), they taught me how to 'speak', how to eat. The basics, but I was happy with them.

We didn't use full words, but I could understand their deep breathy noise.

Dad is called Giuseppe, according to history, he was a badass necromancer banished by society before joining The Movement. Though he's killed billions, murdered innocents, he was quite the awkward dad and tried to use prisoners as toys for me. Mom had to put a stop to his silliness.

Mom is called Hiroshi - yeah, he was a man, so what, mom is what I'm calling him - he's quite serious, and the best translator we have. He can speak! And that's one of the most incredible fits in the world. Mom was an Aria - a sorcerer using psalm to fight - then he joined the Movement, and became an infamous partisan.

And then there's me, the young SI, well, no one knows I'm a SI, the words don't exist in our language. Try to explain that and people will just look at you like you've gone mad, I tell ya.

My skin is a pale blue that clung to my bones. I had patches of long auburn hair, and that's it.

Dementors always keep their hair out of their face, so we use ribbons, bandanas to push them back. We wore long dark cloaks and according to their color, it represents our status. The king is the only one in deep purple with darker edges. The royal family is in dark purple garbs. The next rank is composed of the 100 partisans of The Movement, they wore dark red robes, Dad and Al'khaz belong to this rank. Mom has dark red robes but with black edges, showing that he's special, and he is, he can speak human! Finally, you have the others, we all wear black, or dark blue if we have an event.

* * *

**NEW ENTRY - Don't even have the time to look at the number**

OMG dear diary, it's finally happening, he's finally done it! I've been waiting for years! Years! Okay, maybe I forgot and didn't even realize it happened, but we're finally at that part! I can feel everything's gonna change now!

Let me explain, dear diary!

Three days ago, the minister visited the prisoners, asshole was so angsty when I watched him. The wizards are all cruel, they had their wands on them, and one even tried to hex Al'khaz, of course, Freya frightened the whiny Auror. Whatever. The following days, my beau had nightmares, I tried to give him a blanket but he reacted even strongly. My beau lost his youth with us, he looks older, so tired, he needed to go out…

So, when I saw him trying to escape, I may or may not have let him out. Not out of his cell, Padfoot slipped easily out of those bars. I think that in his animagus's form, he can perceive that I don't want to hurt him- well, he still looked at me carefully, but I think those are instinct, a small part of him hesitated before skipping past me.

And I let him go.

I even opened a secret passage for him. If he had jumped from his cell, he'd have died. I watched my beau in his dog form bravely head straight against the waves. His eyes had never been so beautiful, dear diary, I fell in love, one more time.

The council and the King were, indeed, angry against. But I pulled out the biggest lie in my life. Or maybe not. It happened like this-

_"Why would you not do your task, Anya?"_

(Right, that's my name.)

Many growled at me, as I stayed silent. Of course, one of the councilmen had to start.

_"This must be your doing, Hiroshi. You must have corrupted her with stories of human li-"_

_"Mom has nothing to do with this."_

_"Dementor Anya."_ interrupted The King. And I was so frightened, I could have died right there _. "Answer to your King. This is not the first time you haven't done your work properly. We've left you off the hooks because you're the youngest dementor and was still clumsy. This time, we have to answer to humans. The treaty has been put at risk."_

And I cut the King.

I don't know how I had the balls to do that, I don't know how I pulled the bullshit I did, but I opened my hole of a mouth and aguishly expressed myself-

_"How many years are we going to follow this treaty, my King? The humans aren't respecting us. They are looking at us beneath them, and haven't you seen it, my King? How so few wizards are sent to us? Shouldn't we be free?"_

_"The last King-"_

_"Oh please, my King, stop lying to yourself. The old man managed to damn us all. I've never roamed this world! I was born on this Island, I've done my job, I've listened to stories from every elder. Heck, even the younger dementors managed to go out when the Dark Lord was out! But here we are, no one is letting us out! Nobody respects us, my king! Do you think that this treaty will stay in peace? What will happen when wizards learn of a spell to kill us all?!"_

Cue dramatic gasps.

_"You dare-"_

I think I really lost it there, when you're finished, at least give it all right? I felt like Hinata when she fought against Neji, she was so out of it, but then she let out everything she had in her earth. Maybe another dementor will be my Naruto? Defend old little me, ya know?

_"Yeah, I dare! They already have their Patroni, and are controlling us! But when will we be free again my King? Death only banned us on Earth, he never told us to stay here, on this small Island. Oh my King, shouldn't you be looking for a way to make us strong? To give your people the best? Oh my King, think about your people, about your family, aren't we yours to protect? Why my King are you putting a treaty for humans before us?!"_

Cue the silence, and I think Freya face-palmed. But then my savior intervened.

Old pal Al'khaz, the best!

_"She's right! The old King damned us all, you should be fixing his mistakes! But all I see is a youngling walking on the same path as his foolish father? Will you damn us all, too?"_

_"Silence!"_

The King snapped.

Of course, we all shut up after that.

* * *

**Entry Number 1 AB**

Dear Diary,

This is entry 1 After Sirius Black.

I'm so happy.

Well, as happy as a dementor can be.

We're doing it, the Revolution. After the trial, I was confined in my room, if you can call it that. During that, the King managed to deal with the Minister. We were in charge of searching Sirius Black, we were able to roam Earth, of course, I didn't have the pleasure of roaming Earth, but the King and I, we talked.

He would personally look at what was happening on Earth, to see if I was right or not. I knew I was right, I mean, in the books or the movie, nobody learned about the story of dementors. I'm basing this on one Hermione Granger. If everyone knew our story, she'd be protecting us, right? Or at least she'd have told our story to Harry?

And yeah, here it is, the thing I'm fearing. I know that Harry Potter hated dementors - between the memories he gained when we approached him, the things Sirius will tell him, etc. And from the vague memories I have, I know that he'll become Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. Do you really think he'll keep Dementors around if that happens? And Hermione will become the Minister of Magic, I don't think Dementors will survive.

You must think I'm selfish, dear diary. And you are right. We shouldn't exist. Dementors are souls banished by Death. Centuries ago, many sorcerers across the world decided to install their own government, liberate the world, all that jazz. They called it The Movement, an idea made by a man named Ekrizdis, a powerful Dark Mage who managed to put his own concealment around his home and they all planned and planned.

Long story short, they failed- what? I may have fallen asleep during that lesson- but you know who stopped them? Mildred Potter, son of Hardwin Potter and Iolanthe Peverell. He used some kind of spell to summon D.E.A.T.H, that's what the professor said, at least. But I'll believe him, dear diary, he was here after all.

Yeah, so Death punished them all by banning them on Earth, to never die. However, life wasn't as gentle (*gasp* what a shock *rolling my eyes, dear diary*) and she refused them too. At first, Dementors roamed the Earth, but they were unable to live with others, they were rotting, but stayed undying.

In the end, they all stayed inside of Azkaban, their original meeting place. Ekrizdis became the first king, then we had the second one (the foolish one), and now we have the third king, our King.

Who knew I remembered so much? Al'khaz will be so proud!

* * *

**Entry 2AB**

So, forgot to say, but I'm going to Hogwarts! And yesterday I was so happy that I sang Into the Unknown! Mom found the song interesting, but the Aurors accompanying us couldn't understand what I was saying… so they judged me. Pieces of shit, the lot of them!

There was no Mad-Eye Moody, no Kingsley, no Tonks, maybe there was someone interesting and I missed it, but dang it, I was going to Hogwarts! I was thinking, dear diary, that maybe I could steal the sorting hat, and try it on?

Should I do that or not? I'm already in trouble as it is, but what's a little bit more trouble when you're a dementor? It's not like the sorting hat can do Patronuses.

Wait! Do I need a brain to be sorted? Wait! Do I even have a brain?

You know, dear diary, during the last entry I became quite serious and all. But still, I don't know why I'm a dementor? I did nothing to Life? She did _things_ to me? Wait, have I been rejected by death? Please don't tell me he can red mind, and he really was that dark thing with asthma!

Whatever.

I'm going to Hogwarts! To Hoggy-Hogwarts. *Cue giggles, dear diary*

Sayonara, my friend! Let me see greener pastures and the sunshine!

* * *

**Entry 3AB**

That thing with the sunshine, you can scratch that, dear diary. Scotland's climate is similar to my old home, I still can't believe Azkaban is my home, at least I won't get homesick, right? Always look at the silver lining!

Speaking of silver! I saw Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, and meep! was he frightening! I kid you not, dear diary! I was behind Mom, minding my business, being little old me, and Dumbledore was speaking with that old sage voice, full of disappointment, his voice was deep, grave. And his blue eyes didn't twinkle as he glared at us. He menaced us, forbidding us to enter the castle.

#Disappointmentoftheyear

Mom met his eyes fiercely, and told him that we would be staying in the forbidden forest… Yay?

Still, maybe I could try to steal the sorting hat?

It's my on-going project of the year, well, that and finding Sirius Black.

Oh, my love, I hope you're eating well.

* * *

**Entry 4AB**

Dear Diary,

I am a monster. But I'm not.

I feel lost.

Freya was doing rounds near the train, and she nearly lost it. She felt the kids' emotions. I know she's not a good person. But that's the thing, as a dementor, I could understand what she did. It'd be like being locked inside a place full of every delicious food you could find, and your favorites. Mines were of the junk food varieties, and sweets.

I never thought life as a dementor could be so hard. Nobody understands us, we only have each other.

If I was a human, I would run at the sight of a dementor. We must look like Death, corpse-like figures, rotten smells, dark garbs, we're floating with a hunger deep in our rotten guts. A deep hunger, that cannot be sated by human foods. As vampires need blood, dementors need souls.

Oh, dear diary, have you ever tasted a soul? It's different from each human, some are bitter, some are sweet, it's the closest you ever feel alive.

I'm a monster.

I would hate what I've become. But I'm just surviving, dear diary, I didn't choose this life. I'm trying my hardest to be welcomed in a world where no one likes my species.

We are the damned, we are Fear.

We are dementors.

Jeeze, that was such an angsty entry; according to Al'khaz I'm in my teenage years, urgh! Sorry dear diary, hopefully, the next entry will be funnier.

* * *

**Entry 5 AB**

OMG OMG OMG

Dear diary, I feel sooooo cheated!

I so want to be a witch, heck being a wizard would also be cool! I saw my first quidditch match! And let me tell ya, dear diary, it was awesome! They flew like zwooung, and then bam! And then feeeeeehhhw, and zwing, and then dadadam!

I know it's hard to believe, it was better than the movies! They flew so well! But you know, I just had the most amazing idea! Why couldn't we, dementors, play quidditch? We can fly! Ain't it awesome? I feel like life at Azkaban will be cooler.

Heck, even Freya was impressed by it! The girl may be a tsundere, I tell you, dear diary. She tried to use her holier than thou tone with me, and I just turned my head and grumbled that I didn't need her permission to found it at Azkaban. I was walking away and she caught my sleeve, and I swear if she could, she'd have blushed, and she asked to play with me.

Now we just have to convince Al'khaz, pretty sure he could do speak about it to the council.

See ya dear diary!

* * *

**Entry 5AB**

Winter at Hogwarts is amazing. It looks so enchanting! There's something magical about the whole place, and no, dear diary, it's not a pun! This is the first time I enjoyed being a dementor, flying around the white and grey castle felt peaceful. The lack of students means lesser temptation. Sometimes, I feel like a ghoul from Tokyo ghoul, when students are around. Their cheeks flushed red with joy, their eyes twinkling as they laughed with friends and ate sweets.

A part of me wanted to taste their souls, I wonder if being close to them will allow me to have a part of their warmth. But that's an experiment I won't do, I tried approaching a cute fox yesterday, it tried to run away, but meh, I used my super dementor power and caught it.

The chase was exciting, but I couldn't feel its warmth, my skin lost its sensibility. The fox was snarling in my hand, and I tried to speak to it, to tell it I didn't want to hurt it. The fox died in my hands. Another dementor saw me and explained to me that it was the reason we weren't allowed to approach humans.

A few seconds would be okay. Using our power to be near them was also okay. But touching them was dangerous, and if they didn't possess any magic they were bound to die. I was saddened by that fact, but at this point, dear diary, I was used to Life disappointing me.

I named the dead fox Kurama, in honor of Naruto - the manga -, I made a nice grave for it and left the place. I left small rocks on its grave, flowers die when we are near them. Urgh! Sometimes, things just suck, but I hope it'll forgive me for killing it.

See ya, my favorite diary!

* * *

**Entry Who's counting at this point?**

Holy heck dear diary! I appear in the Harry Potter movie! I think so, at least!

Yesterday was one of the most romantic night ever!

I saw my BAE! Okay, let me tell you the most romantic date, ever!

I was minding my own dementor business, a.k.a guarding the castle in search of Sirius, though I don't want him to be found, ever. It was a full-moon night, and I was floating across the Black Lake - I was showing Freya how to skate on water, don't judge me! - and then I heard a wolf.

Didn't phase me at first, what with Remus Lupin being in the castle, and other weird creatures in the Forbidden forest, but then I heard him. That's right my love was in danger, that jerk Lupin threw him across several yards of rocks, and my beau fell near the lake.

It's destiny, I'm telling you, dear diary, this is destiny. I swear if we were in a k-drama, the BGM would have been awesome. I can imagine it, my beau watching me with his starlight eyes, as I glided on the water - a true goddess!

I had no choice this time, what with Freya being there, we had to look closely at my lover. Freya even let me approach him first. The poor dear was whimpering in his Padfoot form before returning to his human form.

I was sad to see he hadn't gained so much weight, but his skin looked a little better? I think he had tanner skin, though it was nighttime, and I could have been blinded by love. The moment was romantic, I was close to him, the others were starting to rush, and I was protecting him as they tried to eat his soul.

I didn't want him to die, he wasn't supposed to die. And then I thought back on the fifth book of Harry Potter. My love would be killed by Bellabitch, and the few years of freedom he'd have would be spent over worrying for Harry, running across countries. Maybe it was better to let him die.

I gave him a kiss, a deep kiss without touching him. This was a kiss to kill him, to deliver him of this painful world, this world full of nonsense. I prayed that in his next life, he'll find happiness, that he won't retain his painful memories. And most importantly, I wished that he won't become a dementor.

Of course, I forgot in my romantic moment that Harry Potter would come back through time travel to launch happy-beams at my faces. I swear, dear diary, I'm a big fan of Harry Potter, and I liked his sassy comebacks and felt so much for me. But really? Interrupting me during my final moment with my beau?

Urgh! Between him and Lupin, I'd get no moments with my beau.

Patroni hurt so much, I swear, it's like being burned by too many emotions.

Let me explain this to you, dear diary.

Dementors do feed on emotions, the more horrors the person saw, the more precious are their happy memories fuelled with so, _oh so much emotions_. As we drain that, the body is left with only the worst of horror and bad emotions he had. We can cause depression on the victim, then we manage to reach their soul. _Their_ being, and it's like the best part, you can feel everything as if you're living their lives.

We are monsters.

The Patronus charm calls upon every happy emotion the caster has, and it's launched at us, but we can't eat it. It calls to our _hollow_ souls, it tries to remind us of what happiness was, and it hurts us so, oh so much. You know that you will never reach that happiness, it's something lost, dear diary. Then we feel phantom pains inside our _holes_ \- where our soul used to be.

So yeah, Patroni are bitches.

Whatever.

Harry Potter took Sirius away from me, and we're going back to Azkaban. I'm sooo going to need comfort food. Don't worry dear diary, I'll take my revenge on Bellabitch instead.

* * *

**Entry 1 Back In Azkaban**

I think Al'khaz has a crush on Rodolphus Lestrange. If one was to overlook the fact that Al'khaz is older than old, and that he's a dementor, it's super cute.

This morning I was punishing Bellatrix, because she _will_ kill Sirius and Al'khaz turned a blind eye to that. Even Freya gasped at that. Al'khaz was all for playing with inmates, but he didn't like it when we overdo it. I think he was missing Rodolphus, and Bellabitch must have annoyed him.

Too bad Roddy doesn't know about Al'khaz, he was so much better than the insane woman! I think that I'm gonna do a therapy session with Al'khaz later, I need to speak about Sirius and he'd tell me everything about his budding romance with the elder _married_ Lestrange. *Gasp* Are we in another drama? So sweet~ Life's getting interesting!

I even managed to establish Demenditch! It's our own Quidditch game. It's pretty brilliant, we play it upside the ground, and can fly so high! Then we launch dark enchanted balls that only dementors can touch.

The funniest thing is the looks sent our way by both inmates and the guards, who are unable to understand us and the rules by which we play Demenditch. I'm so good at this sport, I won against Freya! I won against _Freya_! I never won against her before! I love Demenditch so much!

Stay in tune, dear diary, you're in front of an ace!

* * *

**Entry 42 BIA**

Dear diary,

I'll be writing less and less. Your pages are nearly finished. I counted, I have less than 10. Looks like even magic has a limit. I feel sad because I'll have to replace you.

Yesterday, Voldemort attacked the tower, you barely survived dear diary. Actually, some earlier entries got caught on ashes… Yeah, sorry dear diary, I should have protected you.

The King, and by extension us, are now allied to Voldemort.

He's _special_. He looks all snake-like, but it's not like we, dementors, can judge, what with our rotting skins… but I could feel his power, his magic, it called me, and us. It felt familiar, he was as rotten as us, and he wasn't as tasty as others. I think it has to do with his Horcruxes, he doesn't have a big soul. His death eaters, however, looked tasty, not the tastiest, but food is food. They looked uncomfortable when they met with the King. Mom told me that one nearly wet himself must have been quite the sight. I- I don't want to be bad, diary. But I've got no choices, we dementors don't have any friends but each other.

The King is angry, _really_ angry.

My plan may have backfired on me, dear diary. The King was able to see what became of the world. He even talked to the few necromancers who survived in this world. There are fewer than ten in this world, but everyone said the same thing. Our history has been forgotten.

So, maybe, a tiny maybe, this whole alliance with Voldemort is my fault. 'Course, it's not like anyone knows that I was the catalyst… The King did nod to me at the last meeting too, Mom and Dad are so proud. And even Freya is jealous.

This means that I can prank whoever I want without being punished! So cool, right? Yesterday I hid behind a corridor and breathed harshly. The inmates thought he was paranoid, and the one time he relaxed I actually appeared. His scream was so high, I giggled so much.

Of course, Al'khaz punished me for my immaturity, the jerk. He's just in a bad mood, cause Roddy left him.

Stay in tune dear diary.

* * *

**SAD ENTRY**

My Love is dead, dear diary.

I, I don't want to work with the dark lord. But he's so cool, his power feels so familiar. It's like he's one of us. The King came to comfort me yesterday, I explained that I loved Sirius. He looked at me as if I've lost my mind, but he awkwardly patted my head to cheer me up.

The King is not bad.

He explained that the alliance with the Dark Lord was only temporary. He found us a place, where we could stay, but we needed to win this war.

I nearly opened my mouth to tell him that we will lose. But I couldn't. It was the first time the King showed me kindness. He even told me how I was created!

You know dear diary, I didn't put it into words, but I felt like shit when I learned about our story. I mean Death and Life punished the others, but what did I do? I lived a quite normal peaceful life.

What I didn't know was that dementors could be born through invocation. I swear my jaw literally dropped at that, the King actually had to put it back for me. This is one of the reasons why we follow dark lords and specifically Lord Voldemort. Dementors needed their magics to create new dementors.

Freya and I belonged to a new type of dementors. Though she hadn't been created by Lord Voldemort but by Grindelwald, how cool is that?! The King told me that's why I wasn't as powerful as Freya (rude much, dude?), Lord Voldemort's soul lacked, er, well, it just wasn't complete. So he failed many experiments, and then, vlam! I was created.

I was weak and they had to hide me at the bottom of Azkaban where I slowly gained strength.

I may not be a grand sorcerer or useful, but my background story is quite cool!

I'll write to you later, dear diary, the King's calling me!

Let's remember together, that Sirius Orion Black - one of the greatest man - died. May he find an alternate universe where he'll be happy through the veils-

Wait! Doesn't his ghost appear in book seven? Oh man! Do you think I'll see him, again?

Until next time, dear diary!

* * *

**Entry number 6 because it's my favorite number**

I'm bored dear diary. Only innocents are sent to Azkaban, and it's like eating sweet every day - it's good but too much. I'd do everything for an angry bastard, their souls are quite spicy.

Freya and I are frenemies, I think? I mean she doesn't like me, and I dislike her as much, but we've spent soooo much time together to just hate each other, you know? She's cold, but she does have her moments, btw, I'm still stronger than her at Demenditch!

Al'khaz is on the moon, I think? He met Lucius Malfoy, and he's getting so much fun spooking him. I think old Al'khaz is jealous of the blond's hair- heck I even saw Freya glared at his white mane of hair. She's also a platinum blond, I think.

I miss Mom, he's always with the Dark Lord Voldemort nowadays… I need her hugs. Dad is as busy as her, but I don't understand why the King has so much free time to see me and speak to little old me, but my own family hasn't got any.

Stay in tune lovely diary, let's hope something interesting happens next time.

* * *

**Last Page Entry**

We've lost the war (what a shocker, me be like rolling my eyes). Shacklebolt's pushing for us to be banished, the King put his plan in action.

I'm moving, dear diary. We're moving north, leaving this Island forever, our things have already been packed and moved.

We have to move, dear diary. Or the Light side will kill us all. Some of the dementors have decided to stay at Azkaban. They'll play decoy as we flee. The humans don't know how many of us there are, we were at least five hundred before. The war did a number on us too, no one can fight Patroni forever, and sunlight can weaken us… We've lost at least two hundred of our people.

Now one hundred dementors will stay at Azkaban, some old members of The Movement, even The King's mother, and brother. The King has to survive, and he _ordered_ me to stay with him.

Oh right.

I wanted to stay at Azkaban. But he told me that it was thanks to me that he knew what to do. I have to obey him, but, dear diary, my new parents are staying here; mom has been seen too many times by the humans not to be unknown. Dad's crush on mom is infamous, of course, he'd stay with him; but he's also brave.

Al'khaz is also staying. He's my mentor, my best friend.

You know, dear diary, from all his complaints, I'd have thought he'd be the first one to jump at the opportunity to flee this damned Island. But Al'khaz is one of The Movement, he's lived as much as he could, banishment will be a break.

At least Freya is coming with us. She's the only one of my closest entourage to come with the rest, well her and the King. But he's something else.

* * *

**Real Last Entry!**

Okay, fuck the King.

I'm staying with my family and my friends! There's not enough food in this world to comfort me if I lose them. Freya actually helped me, I think, in the end, she too was close to Al'khaz. My parents and he were angry to see Freya and me here, but I think that being with my friends is quite a way to go!

You know, I'm writing on the last page of this diary, and the wizards are attacking the tower. It's like the end of a story, the irony is not lost on me *giggles*. Thank you for being by my side, dear di-

* * *

**\- THE END**

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I'm starting to cross-post on ao3, hopefully, I'll manage the art of cross-posting (I have low hope).


End file.
